You’ve been taking care of Mom since her diagnosis of dementia. You’ve been working through many of the challenging symptoms. Yet one day, she looks at you and calls you by a different name – that of her husband or father or younger brother. Do you correct her, reminding her that you’re her son? Should you let it slide, pretending you didn’t notice the mistake? Or, should you just roll with it, accepting the new identity she has given you?
The loss of recognition is one of the more painful effects of dementia on family members. It’s hard to look into a loved one’s eyes and receive a blank stare in return, or to be called by a different name. It’s important to set aside your own feelings temporarily, however, as you respond to the senior. (We’ll come back to your feelings in a moment!)
How to Respond to Dementia Recognition Confusion
First, realize that your attitude and tone of voice are contagious. If you show dismay at the person’s memory lapse, they will feel dismayed as well, though they won’t necessarily understand why. Keep a calm, cheerful countenance throughout your interactions with someone with dementia.
Next, reinforce that you know who the person is. Use their name in your conversations, according to their sense of reality. If they believe you’re a brother or husband, for instance, call them by their first name instead of “Mom.” Try talking about past, familiar stories. Long-term memory remains in place much longer than short-term memory. As a result, the person should be able to engage in discussions about their childhood and young adulthood, even when present-day memories have faded.
Finally, make sure you’re prioritizing time to care for yourself and work through the grief that is inherent in caring for someone with dementia. Though the person is still alive, the memories and abilities they have lost cause grief to those who love them. Talk with a therapist for help, and take plenty of time for pastimes you enjoy.
Watching someone you love experience memory loss, including loss of recognition, is heartbreaking. It isn’t possible to “jog” memories lost to dementia by prompting, cajoling, or other means. The person is unable to retrieve these lost memories in the same way someone who has lost their sight is no longer able to see.
The best approach is to focus on the strengths and abilities the person does still have intact, and celebrate those each day. At Independence-4-Seniors Home Care, our caregivers are specially trained and experienced in creative and positive dementia care techniques. We’re always available to provide you with additional resources and ideas to help you and someone you love. Contact us any time at 630-323-4665 to learn more about our in-home care dementia services and how we can help you through your caregiving journey in and around the Hinsdale area.