We have all heard about helicopter parents, particularly when a son or daughter leaves for college. The fact is, we might be guilty of hovering too closely ourselves. Learning that perfect balance between caring and overstepping our boundaries is not always straightforward.
And now, with the increase of family caregivers in the sandwich generation providing care for both aging parents and children, we are at risk of acquiring another badge of overbearingness: that of a helicopter caregiver. It’s very common for adult children to find themselves slipping into a role reversal in regard to their senior parents, with the best of intentions, of course; naturally, we’d like to keep our family members safe. Nonetheless, this could easily lead senior loved ones to feel indignant, upset, or perhaps aggravated at their new loss of control.
If you think you are infringing on your senior parent’s rights and sense of self-worth and control, here is insight on how to come in for a landing, and resolve to step in only when entirely needed.
Talk about objectives. Engage your parent in a conversation about aging wishes, and the way she would like you to help out with attaining those goals. For example, in case the senior were to be diagnosed with dementia, would the personal preference be to relocate into an assisted living facility, or stay at home with help? In the event the senior were to fall, necessitating surgery or rehabilitation, how would she picture her healing experience? Would she be happy getting help with personal care tasks, like bathing and using the toilet, from you or from an expert caregiver?
Speak up when needed. When safety is jeopardized, it is essential to step in, maintaining a respectful, collaborative mindset. The objective is to ensure the senior preserves as much self-sufficiency as is feasible. If she’s not willing to accept help and support or even to make prudent decisions, such as using a walker when needed to prevent a fall, it may be necessary to enlist the assistance of her doctor or a geriatric care manager to present suggestions.
Otherwise, step back. When you’re attempting to influence issues that are not affecting the senior’s health or safety, and she is cognitively still able to make her own choices, it’s best to let those worries go. “A child should be sensitive to a parent’s need for self-determination and maintaining self-identity,” said Barry Jacobs, clinical psychologist and author of The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers: Looking After Yourself and Your Family While Helping Aging Parents.
Call Independence-4-Seniors Home Care’s Illinois senior care experts at (630) 323-4665 for professional senior care support that is always geared towards ensuring as much independence as possible for senior loved ones, enabling family caregivers the opportunity to step back and give their parents the independence they desire while remaining safe.